


Rest

by collectingstories



Series: Rick Grimes shorts [2]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Lori is mentioned, Post-Prison (Walking Dead), Post-Terminus (Walking Dead), Pre-Alexandria Safe-Zone, Rick Grimes/Lori Grimes mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-23 20:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17087183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collectingstories/pseuds/collectingstories
Summary: Based on this prompt from Tumblr: The reader notices Rick is looking sad but he pretends everything is okay when she asks him what’s going on. After some insistence he opens up with her and he tells her that he’s tired and that he feels he can’t protect his people anymore. He doesn’t have the strength he once had. She tries to lift his mood by saying that people trust him but also says that it’s okay if he needs a break and she will always be there for him cause he means to much to her and she loves the man he is





	Rest

**Author's Note:**

> This one I'm more nervous about then the last one...

Abraham was recounting a story of his journey from Texas to Georgia as he sat on the step of the altar with Rosita beside him. You tried to pay attention but you found yourself scanning the faces of your adopted family, as if doing a mental headcount. Probably you were. You could remember a time at the farm when you would pester Shane about his insistence of headcounts but you felt yourself following his example, at least in that respect, more and more since Terminus. Checking each person to be sure they were accounted for. There weren’t more of them now, just different members of the family to watch over. Bob, Sasha, Tyreese, Abraham, Tara, Eugene, Rosita. You tapped each finger against your thumb as you checked them off until you came up short. Glancing around the small chapel one more time you stood from your spot beside Carol and headed to the door. 

It was dark outside and you blinked a couple of times as your eyes adjusted to the night. Sitting there on the steps was the missing member of your group. Arguably the most important one. You stood at the door for a moment, trying to decide exactly when Rick had started to pull away or if he’d never let himself get close again after Lori’s death. This was certainly the weariest you’d ever seen him. With everyone else Rick was a leader and that façade never disappeared. You could count on your hand the number of times you’d seen him slip and even then he seemed completely in control. 

“You want some company?” You asked quietly, trying not to startle him. 

Your eyes had adjusted enough to the dark that you could see the way Rick’s slumped shoulders straightened as he sat up. He turned just enough to look over his shoulder at you. “Everyone alright in there?” He asked. 

“In there, yeah. Out here…remains to be seen.” You replied, sitting down beside him on the steps. 

“I’m fine.” He reassured, tilting his head slightly as he glanced over at you. 

You swore you’d spent enough time with him now that even in the dark you could see the blue of his eyes. The crystal color was embedded in your memory along with the slow southern drawl that felt like warmth spreading over you as you listened to it. 

“If you’re not…” You trailed off, looking out ahead of you. 

“I am.” He replied. 

“Okay.” You stood up again and placed a hand on his shoulder. Before you could walk away Rick reached up and laid his hand over yours. He patted your hand twice and then let you go, turning back to face away from the church again. 

You stayed awake longer than the rest of the group. Carl fell asleep with his head against your shoulder, sheriff’s hat in his lap. Your own lap held a bundled-up Judith, asleep, thankfully for the time being. For being just an infant Judith’s whole life thus far had been warped by drama and turmoil. It was something you tried not to think about when you held her. You had blended well with Carol, especially after Ed died, and Glenn, Dale, and Maggie. Lori was a different story. There was a time, in Hershel’s kitchen, when she accused you of trying to make a move on Rick. It’d been a heated argument, on her side at least, and while you never would’ve interfered with her and Rick’s relationship you couldn’t deny that you had feelings for him. Lori wasn’t here anymore but Judith was a constant reminder of her and sometimes you found yourself questioning whether you were so willing to help Rick because you cared about Judith or because you cared about him. 

The door to the church creaked open and Rick finally came inside, stepping around Daryl and walking up the aisle. You tried to sit up a little, careful not to jostle Carl or Judith in the process. Rick settled down beside you, leaning into your space to see his daughter and leaving you staring at a head full of long curls. 

“How’re they doing?” He whispered, reaching his hand out to brush some hair away from her face. His hand brushed your thigh in the process. 

“Judith just calmed a little while ago but Carl’s been asleep for quite some time.” You replied. 

Either oblivious to personal space or overtly comfortable, Rick scooped Judith into his arms. The moment he did you stretched your legs out and crossed them at the ankle to stop your knee from jumping at the feeling of his hands against your thighs. 

“How’s everyone else doing?” He asked, looking around the dark chapel. 

“Everyone is sleeping…except I’m pretty sure Daryl is actually awake.” You whispered. 

“Good.” Rick replied, a whisper that brushed over your skin as he placed a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “you should get some rest though.”

“I’m alright.” You promised.

“I don’t want you wearing yourself out for us.”

“How about this?” You asked, “you sleep first then I’ll sleep?”

Rick sighed, looking down at the baby in his arms and then at you. “I’m fine.”

“Except you aren’t.” There were few people that could be blunt with Rick. Daryl, Carol, Michonne…Hershel when he was still alive, and Glenn. You didn’t consider yourself someone who could tell Rick how it was and expect him to listen but you’d been watching him push himself since long before the prison fell and you wanted to offer him some type of relief. If that took being too forward then you were willing. “It’s okay to rest.” 

“I’m fine. I’ll rest when we find somewhere safe.” 

The morning found you outside with Abraham and Tyrese, watching more than helping while they worked on the bus. You stood there with Judith in your arms, bouncing her gently. At the sound of rustling leaves, you turned, free hand at your knife. But the only thing that came out of the woods was Carl, with Rick right behind him. You breathed a sigh of relief and let your hand go back up to pat Judith’s leg comfortingly. 

“Look Judy, who is it?” You asked when she lit up at the sight of her father and brother. 

“I’ll take her,” Carl offered, holstering his gun and reaching for his sister. You happily passed Judith off, glad to have a break no matter how much you loved the baby. 

Rick stayed back as Carl carried Judith around the front of the church to go inside. His eyes looked red and the skin beneath them were purple from lack of sleep. You glanced over at Abraham and Tyrese, both too busy working to be bothered with either of you. 

“Come take a walk with me?” You asked, reaching out your hand for him. 

He didn’t say anything, just nodded his head and started to walk towards you. Rick didn’t take your hand, though you didn’t think he would, but he let you lead the way into the woods on the other side of the chapel. It was usually quite that morning, giving you a sense of calm that only added to your usual dread. If you couldn’t hear anything that meant you’d let yourself slip and something bad would happen and your mind was more than willing to spiral out of control with thoughts of what could go wrong. 

“You were right.” Rick commented once you were deep enough into the woods. 

“What was I right about?” 

“I just…after Terminus I don’t know what to do. How to be a leader anymore. What good has it done us? Hershel’s dead, we lost the prison, we were almost…we almost didn’t make it.”

“But we did.” You replied, reaching out and putting your hand on his arm. “We made it out of the prison and Terminus and yeah…we aren’t all here but we’re here. And that’s because of you Rick. You’re a great leader.”

Rick nodded, rather unconvincingly. “I appreciate the optimism but I’m not sure I can share in it.” 

“If you let yourself rest-”

“I can’t rest. Not when we’re sitting out here with little provisions and no clear plan.” He replied. “I can’t let them down-”

“You haven’t. Rick…you’ve never let us down. From the moment you stepped out of that box truck you’ve led us, and yeah it hasn’t always been easy but we wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for all the things you’ve sacrificed.” You replied. 

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay.” The words came out in a rush but you kept talking, moving your hand down his arm to grasp his hand. “You don’t have to know, we do. We trust you and if being your personal cheerleader is what you need to keep going than sign me up.” You teased.

Rick laughed and you smiled, happy to hear the sound. 

“We’re pretty far away from the church you know? I won’t tell anyone if you rest.” 

“Just for a minute.” He let himself sit down on the trunk of an uprooted tree while you stood and surveyed the area. When you looked back he was bent over with his head in his hands. 

Cautious but braver than you usually felt you reached for him, placing your hand on his shoulder. Rick placed his hand over yours, just as he’d done the night before. “You’re a good man Rick, everything you’ve done for us, everything you’ve lost and you kept moving forward. For Carl and Judith and all of us. We’re lucky…I’m lucky to have you on my side. I know I would’ve never made it this far without you.” 

“You would’ve.” He replied. 

“I couldn’t shoot a gun to save my life when I met you…I’d never even held one in my hand. Now? I’m not afraid anymore and it’s because of you.” 

“Thank you.” 

You nodded your head even though he wasn’t looking. There was more you wanted to tell him. That you loved him and that you’d do anything for him, not because he was your leader but because of that love. That Lori had most definitely been right. From the first night at camp, when you watched him, envious of Lori and her good fortune more because you had a helpless crush on her husband and less because of your own missing family, you had known Rick was it for you. That your helpless crush had developed into more, into a love that you couldn’t shake. A love that had you walking Rick out to the woods to let him rest, watching his kids at any given moment, making sure he was okay on a daily basis. 

You knew you couldn’t say any of that to him. Not because he wouldn’t return the feelings. You hadn’t even thought that far in advance. You hadn’t told him because you knew him well enough to know that he was in no frame of mind to even think about something like that. So until then, and even if that day never came, you would be here for him in any way possible. Including, but not limited to, being his personal cheerleader.


End file.
